October 2012

Mortality

I thought of the earth as unsatisfactory, a poor mother to its children, a huge, round, immortal creature which held out the promise of happiness and permanence and beauty only to snatch it away.

-Susan Fromberg Schaeffer

The Madness of a Seduced Woman

 

Perhaps it’s due to having a lot of free time; perhaps it’s due to turning fiftywhatever the reason, I’ve been doing a lot of thinking about the inevitability of death. This consciousness; this “me” typing this page; this undefinable thing that has been perplexing man since he obtained self-awareness is just not going to exist anymore. What the hell is that going to be like?  The idea that I’m just not going to be here one day is something that I never really gave much thought to until recently. When you’re young, death is something that happens to other people. Now, at fifty I realize that I’ve probably already lived a majority of my life. The fact that I’ve done practically none of the things I thought I was going to do kind of bums me out. I’m not going to slice my wrists, but I’m beginning to think I should have spent more time on a computer and less  time tipping a pint. I do have to admit that I’ve had some bouts of serious fun. If I had to do it all over again? Mmmm…

 

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